allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just took my morning after pill in the library
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
