I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
