I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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