how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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