Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
