Soap is not a condiment
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
