I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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