She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
