I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
