3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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