no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
