The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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