His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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