Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
