I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
