it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
