I look better un-naked...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
