FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
