OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
