Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
