News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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