So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize