so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
