whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
COCAINE IS GR8
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
