that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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