too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
