I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
