I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
