well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
