The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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