4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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