Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
