She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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