If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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