hotel room ftw
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
