Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
