woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
