lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
