you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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