u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
