i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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