I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
