Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
