I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
