Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
