I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
