the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
