dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize