He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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