Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
