tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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