I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
