my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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