I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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