KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
