I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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