Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
