my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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