Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize