I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
