Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
