You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
