On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
