Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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