Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
